|
Golf Quotes
Below is a list of quotes from Nick Faldo.
“I would like to thank the press from the heart of my bottom.”
“When it blows here, even the seagulls walk.”
“I was so rusty I should be sponsored by WD-40,”
“The word is control. That's my ultimate -- to have control.”
Golf Jokes / Stories
Golf Course Or...
Four married guys go golfing.While playing the 4th hole, the following conversation took place:
1st Guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had
to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."
2nd Guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise
my wife I will build a new deck for the pool."
3rd Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife I will
remodel the kitchen for her.
They continued to play the hole when they realized that the 4th guy hadn't said anything. So
they asked him, "You haven't said anything about what you had todo to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?"
4th guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 a.m. and when it went off, I shut off the alarm, gave
the wife a nudge and said, 'golf course or intercourse?'
And she said, "Wear your sweater".
The Laws of Golf
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole,
since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
LAW
2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter
increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic.
Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction
to water.
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law
of the universe and should be cut down.
LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing
partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.
LAW 6: The higher a golfer's
handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.
LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has
a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.
LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron
is the most painful torture known to man.
LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.
LAW 10: Sand is alive.
If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you?
LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at
the farthest point from the clubhouse.
LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone
in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted
murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.
LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed.
LAW
14: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (See Law
three).
LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.
LAW 16: "Nice lag" can
usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly, "tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an easy one, sucker."
LAW
17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.
LAW 18: The last three
holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.
LAW 19: Golf should be given
up at least twice per month.
LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset.
|
